Art to heart dating
A few weeks into dating my wife, we were talking on the phone when she mentioned that she had enjoyed "hanging out" with me.I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but I was afraid that she might have misunderstood my intentions — I mean, when I'm "hanging out" with friends, I don't pay for their meal, wear my Friday night best, or gently touch their back while crossing the street.
But once you've done the work of making yourself more emotionally attractive, don't start aimlessly pursing women just because they'll say "yes" when you ask them out.I'm not saying that you've got to be fully mature to pursue a woman, or no man would ever get married.What I'm saying is, if you've got a drinking problem, major credit card debt, serious daddy/mommy issues, a porn addiction — if you've dropped out of college multiple times and you can't keep a job, please don't invite a woman into that mess.Say something — anything to let her know you're not just looking for another friendship (and not over text, email or Facebook — do I really have to say that? And when the two of you start spending more time together, and she makes it clear the feeling is mutual, don't stop there.It's going to take some work to win a woman over — huge investments of time, money and humility.So I said, "If you don't mind me asking, what do you think this relationship is? I'm not sure where this relationship is ultimately going, but when I meet a woman who is as beautiful, intelligent and spiritually mature as you, I don't spend time with her so that I can make a new 'friend.' I've got plenty of those. I just want to make sure you understand that." "Oh," she said, seeming taken aback by my forwardness.
" "I guess I would call it a really special friendship," she said. I knew it wasn't a perfect execution, but it was a vast improvement from the days when I would have freaked her out with some over-the-top, premature diatribe about pursuing marriage.
I'm not saying you can't make a move until you've figured out you want to marry her.
I'm just saying you need to evaluate what you know about her and decide whether there's something about her that intrigues you. But if there is, don't just sit on your hands and hope she figures it out.
Every woman likes a man who is interesting, but a healthy woman will only be drawn to a man who is also interest.
If you're just showing up in a woman's life to take her for a friendly test drive, she will sense it, and she won't feel completely safe.
It was embarrassingly weird, and it was all done to create an artificial sense of closeness and thereby force the outcome of marriage. On the other hand, some of the guys I knew had the opposite problem.